Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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