I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
tell me about the eggs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
