i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
