You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
