I hate your face
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
