there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
