i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
