He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize