I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
