So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
