Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
