So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
