I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
