I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
