I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
