I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
