just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
