I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
