so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
