dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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