"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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