Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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