At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
