he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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