You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
