I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
