So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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