i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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