No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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