the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
