I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
