if i can run in heels then i can drive
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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