I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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