people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
