Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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