Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
