When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
