i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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