Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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