I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
