I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
