Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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