Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
