Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
