Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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