Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
