also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
