yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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