Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
