He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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