Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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