Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
