i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
