How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
