just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
