im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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