Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
