if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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