I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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