my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
operation have a gay friend backfired
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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