peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
