I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
