Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I supernannyed him into submission
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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