how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
