I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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