dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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