After last night, I could never be a politician.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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