I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
