i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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