just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dear god my vagina.
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