dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
