My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
