shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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