I hope mine doesn't look like that
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
