We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
