just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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