i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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