My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
