Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
